Unbreakable Threads by Emma Adams

Author:Emma Adams
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Published: 2018-07-16T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 34

GROWING PAINS

Abdul and Ahad tried very hard to adapt to our family too. Of course there were things that didn’t go smoothly, and as a parental figure I occasionally had to go toe-to-toe with these adolescent Afghan boys. Most of the time the issue was about chores, a subject that drove me spare. I acknowledge that, if I asked them, Ahad and Abdul would work very hard at jobs alongside me, but I found it incomprehensible that they simply would not take on a small, regular chore around the home to help lighten my load.

Officially, all the boys had delegated jobs, but Ahad only occasionally did his, which was scooping leaves out of the pool, while Abdul’s weekly sweep of the courtyard has, to date, happened twice. The other three mostly did their chores, but it was strictly ‘work to rule’ for them and nothing more. All five boys were leaving the burden of work around the house to Rob and me.

Apart from the fact we worked full-time, Rob and I believed chores were important for each member of a family because they were a sign of joint responsibility and teamwork. Chores also relieved the burden of continual delegation: remembering and asking is a job in itself. Needing to ask in the ‘right way’ and waiting to ask at the ‘right time’ can make hard work out of what should have been straightforward responsibilities for teenagers. For example, if my tone of voice was not right, or if someone was in the middle of homework/resting/ watching television/computer games/eating, they considered this enough of an excuse to put it off. Or, if the job was grudgingly accepted but then not done, my reminder of the chore could cause a whole new drama in itself!

I remember my disgust when working in Adelaide in the late nineties. I was called to see a mentally unwell Afghan man who had been fixing carpets for no pay other than the ‘privilege’ of some food and sleeping in a dirty garage. In trying to understand what I saw as Abdul’s and Ahad’s reluctance to help, I wondered if they thought they were being used as some type of indentured labour. I was pretty sure, though, that these twenty-minute-a-week jobs with me were not exploitation.

It crossed my mind that perhaps they thought helping around the house was women’s work, but deep down I knew that this wasn’t the case either. Rob was more laid-back about chores than me, and with the new older boys he was polite but hands-off, leaving the ‘parenting’ to me. Sometimes our misunderstandings over the chores issue became inflamed and turned into arguments, with Abdul and Ahad snapping back that I was deliberately picking fights because I’d had a bad day at work or to show them that I had all the power. On this issue, they pushed back hard and I did too, but, really, it was related to all of us feeling vulnerable.

Abdul and Ahad tried hard to manage their homesickness and sadness, and my heart was feeling it with them.

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